Throw Your Homework Onto The Fire

The poorest excuse for a review i’ve ever read in my entire life. Kindly fuck off, thanks.

postdubstep:

Lapalux - When You’re Gone EP Review
The first thing you want to know when moving to a new city, is not where to go clubbing, where to eat out or where to live, but how to find a new drug dealer as soon as possible. It’s quite tricky when you don’t know many people in the city, but asking every single person on London’s Shoreditch High Street will get you far or, well, in jail or the hospital for that matter. The easiest way is definitely to go to parties, at every party there is at least one guy smoking dope and one girl snorting coke of her boyfriend’s cock. 
So, I went to this one party in Dalston. It was Halloween and I was dressed as Donnie Darko. A skeleton suit, a grey American Apparel hoodie and a pair of black converse. I knew that it was just a question of time until a moronic slut would come up to me and tell me her entire incredibly deep and extremely interesting story of her life. I would pretend to listen, get her a drink, chat some more and then fuck her in the toilet. I would never see this girl again, that’s what I do, I throw people away like used condoms. I don’t see the point in love. I don’t see the point in life. Life has its ups and downs, you know, she breaks up and you break down. It’s like the Buddhists say “Life is suffering”. So, we take drugs to feel something else or to feel something at all. 
Thankfully, I met this Irish guy at the party, who sold me some coke and gave me his number for future requests. I was just about to go back to the toilet and take a line, when I spotted a girl from across the room. When I saw her the whole world disappeared. Later that night, I ended up in her apartment, somewhere in Brick Lane. We drank cheap wine, listened to Lapalux the whole night and just sat their talking. 
She was extremely beautiful and I was incredibly average. She was extremely fascinating and I was incredibly boring. She was the ocean slipping all over me and I was just another fish in the sea. We didn’t have sex that night, because I knew and she knew and that was completely enough. Our relationship didn’t last forever, but nothing has to last forever to be perfect. 
A few months later, I have to review Lapalux’s “When You’re Gone”, but whenever I listen to it all I can think of is her. This record makes me extremely sad, but brings me incredibly closer to her. It showed me that even tough she is apart from me, she is still a part of me. 

7.5
By Oskar Schell

I CAN’T STOP FUCKING LISTENING 

siceclub:

USHER :: CLIMAX (PRODUCED BY DIPLO)

Great V-Day everyday jam.

Just finished reading this. Unbelievable.

trumanhandcrafted:

aconversationoncool:

Ella Fitzgerald, Duke Ellington and Benny Goodman, New York City, 1948.

Probably one of my favorite pictures.  So unbelievably classic.  

I’m doing a top 5 albums of 2011 on my blog. One each day until #1 is announced on Christmas Day. #5 is up now! www.homeworkonthefire.com

Ryan Gosling and Flying Lotus! 

My last week of full-time work has been bestowed upon me like a beautiful, Julius Caeser-esque wreath, and this has led me to evaluate the last nine months. After much deliberation, I can safely say it hasn’t been much more than perfecting the art of ‘Office Banter’. Conversation that is essential to get through the day, but never makes use of more than about 7% of your brain’s overall capacity.

The practice of perfect Office Banter has been both a blessing and a curse to me. Yes, I do tend to crave a bit of intelligent conversation now and again - which does occasionally pop up out of the blue - and yes, at the tender age of 19 it is especially hard to involve yourself in the adult’s chit-chat about someone’s trip to the Chiropodist or how they discipline their littluns’. But overall, Office Banter is a priceless tool for when venturing out into the not-so-big, not-so-bad world (i’m afraid I am not qualified to comment on the Office Banter within the actual Big, Bad World). Here are a few of the subjects I have the most experience in:

Football

I have always enjoyed football - I am an avid Reading FC fan - but before full-time work I didn’t use any of my spare time to read about it, catch up on it or watch any of it. But with constant access to the fairly hideous BBC Sport website at my disposal whilst working, that all changed. Here’s a tip: When all conversation seems to fail, start talking about football. Suddenly I was searching every crevice of the site for a new blog post to discuss, I was watching the Sportsday Live feed like a hawk so I could be the first person IN THE WORLD to know about a new transfer, and I was reading about Arsene Wenger’s latest woes with a miniature smirk on my face. There is always SO MUCH happening in the football world (not to mention kidnaps, suspensions, Joey Barton being Joey Barton) that the conversation literally refuses to die, like a worm when you cut it in half. Football is the Office Banter safety net.

Most used line on the subject of footie: “…looked at the gossip yet?”.

TV programmes that almost always start at 9pm.

How could I not possibly mention the programmes that were basically made to be discussed in a stuffy office environment? I developed an annual, insatiable thirst for the likes of The Apprentice and I’m A Celebrity…; these were programmes that I had to watch if I was to be included in the Office Banter that took place around 10:30-11am (you didn’t want to use your primary conversation ammunition too early in the day in case there was nothing else to talk about later on), and whilst it started as a kind of ‘homework’ task in order to keep up to scratch with the others, it ended up becoming something I genuinely enjoyed, wanted to watch and, most importantly, HAD to watch. Mind you, if you’ve got Gillian McKeith “fainting” in a jungle on any TV programme, you can automatically assume I will be watching it. Once these programmes finish, there is a week of compulsory silence to allow you to assimilate what you have learnt over the most recent series and how it has affected you…until Britain’s Next Top Model or something of a similar ilk starts again. Fantastic.

Most used line on the subject of The Apprentice: “How the fuck did Melody not get fired!?”.

Weekends

One thing I picked up  is that people LOVE to know every teeny weeny detail of your weekend, from what you had with your fry-up on Saturday morning to which end of you the fry-up came out of on Saturday night. I’m more than aware than it is just a polite question to ask someone to break the ice, but sometimes I ended up wishing they never asked me, especially after a particularly uneventful weekend. You can’t say you did ‘nothing’ for fear of sounding like a crashing bore, so you have to invent different phrases that sound a bit more exciting than ‘nothing’ but mean exactly the same as ‘nothing’. Once you figure this out, you realise that actually, almost everyone in the office does exactly the same thing apart from the odd weekend when someone goes to Coventry to go see their distant family. So, basically, why doesn’t everyone just admit to their own boring lives and say they did nothing? Everyone is equal.

Most used line on the subject of weekends: “I just had a chilled one”.

It’s a shame this beautiful relationship between me and the inner-workings of Office Banter has to come to an end as of Friday, but who knows, maybe I will be re-visiting it in the not too distant future and I can discover more of it’s beautiful processes. I mean, what will everyone talk about when The Apprentice comes to an end?

Honorable mentions: holidays, cricket, the dangers of over-exposure to the sun, university, future plans up until the age of 45 (whether they are known or not), take-away food, restaurants, other employees.

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